did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
