You work out of a Hotel?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
