youre lurking in front of me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
