i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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