I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
