Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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