The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
