I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
