but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
