my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
