I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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