I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I party with great urgency now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
