I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
