You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
