I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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