i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
