I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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