Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
