I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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