Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
