I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
