I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
