His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
