she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
