you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
