I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
