Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
