i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
