I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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