She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
