You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
