Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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