Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
