Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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