You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
