May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
