Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
