but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
