I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
