It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
