And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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