I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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