I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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