I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
