She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
