Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
