I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
please don't ironically join a cult
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