tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
