The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
