I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
