does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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