bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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