Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
